I read a book which was titled Inner war and peace: lessons from the Gita. I searched for the sequel which was titled Conflict Resolutions: relationship lessons from the Gita. This book was not available on the stands!
I wondered whether it was because people are finding it more difficult to handle relationships than themselves. I have been seeing relationship dynamics at various levels, and I am reflecting on the various handles and triggers that sets off an ordinary discussion spiraling into a conflict. What can be a simple conversation over a cup of tea becomes a convoluted issue where everyone is sucked in, and each one has a hidden agenda, their own stakes in the matter, and finally a whole lot of hurts for the garbage bin, in addition to uneaten biscuits and cold cups of tea. The one left with the unresolved issue finally starts wondering at the futility of the whole exercise and needs help to gather the broken pieces.
Helping such a person, you are in danger of getting sucked in into the issue if you are not careful to be in the problem-solving mode. The person continues to hold on to hurts, feeling unsupported and challenged. If we are able to equip the person with seeing the problem from a solution-focused instead of a problem-focused viewpoint, the person is able to start acting on making small changes, redefining expectations, and the scenario starts to look brighter.
Let me illustrate. I know someone who is on this project of getting her children settled... But she feels very challenged as she feels the whole process of vetting the proposals, getting information etc. is all very technology-based, and she feels inadequate to cope as she is not very savvy in this field. Her dependency on others because of this limitation is a block in her getting things done, and when she reaches the end of her tether, all hell breaks loose, and while there is confrontation there is no conflict resolution: both within herself and around her.
Now, she has two options: she can either just give up on her project, and nurse the feeling of guilt in not being a responsible adult, or she can break down the problem into smaller problems and find effective solutions... I don't claim to be a Microsoft geek, but I was able to help her resolve some of her practical issues regarding the workings of the processes involved... When one feels he or she is doing something towards resolving an issue, that itself makes one feel more in command of the situation... It is the feeling of being helpless, dependent or trapped that is debilitating!
I wondered whether it was because people are finding it more difficult to handle relationships than themselves. I have been seeing relationship dynamics at various levels, and I am reflecting on the various handles and triggers that sets off an ordinary discussion spiraling into a conflict. What can be a simple conversation over a cup of tea becomes a convoluted issue where everyone is sucked in, and each one has a hidden agenda, their own stakes in the matter, and finally a whole lot of hurts for the garbage bin, in addition to uneaten biscuits and cold cups of tea. The one left with the unresolved issue finally starts wondering at the futility of the whole exercise and needs help to gather the broken pieces.
Helping such a person, you are in danger of getting sucked in into the issue if you are not careful to be in the problem-solving mode. The person continues to hold on to hurts, feeling unsupported and challenged. If we are able to equip the person with seeing the problem from a solution-focused instead of a problem-focused viewpoint, the person is able to start acting on making small changes, redefining expectations, and the scenario starts to look brighter.
Let me illustrate. I know someone who is on this project of getting her children settled... But she feels very challenged as she feels the whole process of vetting the proposals, getting information etc. is all very technology-based, and she feels inadequate to cope as she is not very savvy in this field. Her dependency on others because of this limitation is a block in her getting things done, and when she reaches the end of her tether, all hell breaks loose, and while there is confrontation there is no conflict resolution: both within herself and around her.
Now, she has two options: she can either just give up on her project, and nurse the feeling of guilt in not being a responsible adult, or she can break down the problem into smaller problems and find effective solutions... I don't claim to be a Microsoft geek, but I was able to help her resolve some of her practical issues regarding the workings of the processes involved... When one feels he or she is doing something towards resolving an issue, that itself makes one feel more in command of the situation... It is the feeling of being helpless, dependent or trapped that is debilitating!
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