Nurturing Relationships

I am writing after a really long time.  Not to say that there have been no pebbles of thought; rather, a kind of inertia had set in where I started questioning the very thought of even bothering to put pen to paper. I was not taking enough interest to tell the world how I feel for, i think the world stopped mattering to me... Or was it the other way around? Did I stop mattering?  Again, either way there was not enough energy to get down to even doing what I love the most: Writing. Though it always was purposeful and intrinsic, somehow even that intrinsic urge had faded.

Till today.  Today i think there was a leak in the dam of thoughts and it started creating a flow of thoughts that refused to be shut in.  It started when a couple of days back I was casually informed of a death in the family, and when I asked why I was not told about it, it was brushed aside as a matter of no consequence... And then today, I am suddenly given information of someone visiting them. The incongruity of the whole situation irritated me. I mean, I feel like I am on the periphery of a circle, not really knowing half the time what is happening in there.

And I have started being fine with it, for why should every get together, every sickness, every such so-called family matter be spoken about with me?  So I had just let go, and accepted this particular behavior and moved on. At some point i had even stopped complaining about me making all the trips, me making all the efforts at being in connect etc. I realized at some point that I was perhaps not a very comfortable person to be around, and maybe everyone is doing what I was doing too... Self preservation!

So when suddenly I get these one-off messages of some vague visitor, I also realized what i was looking for in relationships... consistency. I realized it was very important for me to feel the relationship was there.  Not appear and disappear. All relationships, whether they have a label or not, need nurturance.  If they don't, how can we be sure whether they are weeds or plants?

So, am I leaving any relationship un-nurtured, I wonder? Is there a phone call I need to make, is there that connect I need to reestablish to let a lonely soul know that he or she matters to me? I am still seeking these answers…