Redefining Moments

I was going through my writing of my diary, which is titled Defining Moments. And I found that I had not really chronicled many of the defining moments in the recent past.  And there had been so many of them. The moments when you realise suddenly, like a thunderbolt striking you, that relationships that you thought were important suddenly cease to be so.  Like when someone stops mattering to you, and you stop mattering to someone and it no longer feels strange. Like you suddenly meet someone from your deep past, and you suddenly feel that time had not really passed at all.

But where did all these moments originate from?  They came from the depths of my being, from my threads of existence, where I had been bound by all the thoughts that formed these relationships in my head.  Had I been leading these relationships along in my head?    Were there any rules that structured these relationships and gave them meaning?  Or were they only senseless, meaningless meetings, where one thought the meeting held more meaning than it actually did?

How long can such a relationship really go on, unless it has been given a social meaning, a label from the structure that is called family?  Once you are bound by a formal label of a relationship, there is another invisible contract to it: the concept of forever, always.  And so, we drag it on, smelly, putrid, stale, not knowing how to get rid of it.  Well, I would for one not want a label on any of my relationships here afterwards.  

I divorce all my labels, and have only ‘people’ in my life.  Thus, there is no concept of rules, no concept of justification, unmet expectations, and no formal labels to tag your relationship on to.  You hold it in your hand, and you nurture it, instead of tagging it on a coat rack of a labelled relationship and remove it to wear it when you need the cloak of appearance.

So when a dear child whom you brought up in her infancy gets engaged, and that is the first thought that strikes you when you get up in the morning, and are living moment by moment when the engagement is taking place far away, and you are not there in person to see the possible glow and the tension in the air, and the prayers that all should be well, when that dear child does not spare a thought for you because you possibly no longer matter anymore to her, then that is the time when the divorce paper needs to be signed, labels erased, cloaks of pretences taken off and flushed away.

When you visit the temple to seek blessing for this very same child and slip and fall in the slush in the temple, but take it as divine grace, and the child does not even have an inkling of the thoughts that you are sending her way, then it is time for the cords to be severed.  But when you sever any cord, it hurts, there is no anaesthesia strong enough for emotional numbing.  But it is fine… I will make do with the local available, and soon Tomorrow will be another day….