Validation

We have read of master psychologists who have come up with various theories of different levels of consciousness. I have found this fact very intriguing, that what we think we actually are, in reality,  is just a tip of the ice berg. A large chunk of us is the unconscious and the subconscious. 

The tip jutting out of the sea of existence is apparently the rational, judgmental part of ourselves, the self which maintains order in society, which convinces us to do the proper, right thing.  Conflicts  arise within us because we are governed by this aspect of ourselves and in this process, we tend to neglect the submerged parts.  No wonder then, that there is so much conflict, both within ourselves and all around us!

When we are faced with a conflict, two things happen: 

1. Our feelings rush in demanding acknowledgement: raw, unprocessed feelings, which cannot be right or wrong; they are just that - feelings.

2. Then, because we are programmed to be acting, thinking and feeling the "right" way all the time, the conscious, rational mind tries to take charge of the situation.

But then, what happens to these emotions which have been given birth to? They need to be attended to, and certified to existence.  We call this process as "validation". Because feelings are not right or wrong, they just ARE. When we allow ourselves to experience these feelings, they are processed and during this time of processing, they are accorded the validation that is so important for the energy arising out of these emotions. 

However, failing to understand the fact that this process bridges the gap between our conscious, so-called right-minded thinking and our subconscious emotive reactions, the latter is side-stepped in our hurry to resolve issues, take stock of a critical situation, and move on in life.

Try this:

The next time you are experiencing raw, volatile emotions, do not become judgmental. Do not try to rationalize either your feelings or the actions of anyone else. Just let yourself be with the feeling, allow yourself the experience, however unpleasant or illogical or irrational it is. Then, once a certain time period has passed, there would be a closure, and you could move on to listening to your conscious, rational mind.

Similarly, the next time you are called in to resolve any issue between two people, try not to become judgmental or interact with your rational, conscious mind. Instead, try to be at the same wavelength as the other person undergoing the pain, without jumping to a defense mode.  This validation period would allow both of you to come to a balance when the boat would steady itself, and then the communication would become easier;  simply because both of you would have been at the subconscious level, acknowledging the feelings, and then the conscious mind would be allowed to communicate effectively.