It is indeed very difficult to deal with failure. But I feel
it is more difficult to deal with success; especially when it is to do with success
of someone else!
When we grow, we need to understand that growth is not unidirectional. We grow in a lot of areas, and when this growth brings with it a sense of change, and a need for a shift in perspectives, we need to be open to such change. Only then is it success.
When I started out to be a counselor, I had to shift a lot of my beliefs and rigid values, to incorporate my therapeutic systems, and when I did that, I found that the change and development that happened within me made me a much more fulfilled person. My relationships with my near and dear ones underwent remarkable positive transformations.
Some people accepted my change as being for the better, and I was slowly able to internalize this and realign those relationships. With others, there was stout resistance; they kept reinforcing that I was not the same person anymore! While I couldn't agree more, this set of relationships was also fine by me for these were people who loved me even when challenging me all the time!
I liked the new me, and so did my inner circle; I felt unconditionally accepted. The ones who did not accept the change fell out of touch, and I let them go, for our paths differed from here.
There were yet some however, who neither let go, nor accepted me with my new-found role as a successful therapist, and a changed being. These relationships were extremely draining for me to maintain.
This is what I meant when I said many people find it difficult to manage the success of other people. The slight innuendoes in the conversations, complete withdrawals for unspecified periods of time, then their sudden resurfacing when they needed something; all started making me feel like a piece of rag a kitten plays around with.
You may ask me why I was allowing it to happen. As I write this, I am pondering on the reasons. Is it because I have moved on and these others did not keep up? Since we started at the same point, perhaps I am feeling slightly guilty about my success? Or maybe my feelings about them have been ambivalent?
Every time I feel like having a confrontation, I choose to let go, for old times sake. And every time there is a repetition of this "use-and-throw" behavior, I promise myself that I will not let myself be treated like a dish rag again. I also realized that if this self-promise has to be repeated so many times over, then I am only fooling myself about the significance of these relationships. So can I gather enough courage to accept my success without guilt, in full form, and maintain my peace in withdrawing from such painful relationships with grace and dignity? Only time will tell.
When we grow, we need to understand that growth is not unidirectional. We grow in a lot of areas, and when this growth brings with it a sense of change, and a need for a shift in perspectives, we need to be open to such change. Only then is it success.
When I started out to be a counselor, I had to shift a lot of my beliefs and rigid values, to incorporate my therapeutic systems, and when I did that, I found that the change and development that happened within me made me a much more fulfilled person. My relationships with my near and dear ones underwent remarkable positive transformations.
Some people accepted my change as being for the better, and I was slowly able to internalize this and realign those relationships. With others, there was stout resistance; they kept reinforcing that I was not the same person anymore! While I couldn't agree more, this set of relationships was also fine by me for these were people who loved me even when challenging me all the time!
I liked the new me, and so did my inner circle; I felt unconditionally accepted. The ones who did not accept the change fell out of touch, and I let them go, for our paths differed from here.
There were yet some however, who neither let go, nor accepted me with my new-found role as a successful therapist, and a changed being. These relationships were extremely draining for me to maintain.
This is what I meant when I said many people find it difficult to manage the success of other people. The slight innuendoes in the conversations, complete withdrawals for unspecified periods of time, then their sudden resurfacing when they needed something; all started making me feel like a piece of rag a kitten plays around with.
You may ask me why I was allowing it to happen. As I write this, I am pondering on the reasons. Is it because I have moved on and these others did not keep up? Since we started at the same point, perhaps I am feeling slightly guilty about my success? Or maybe my feelings about them have been ambivalent?
Every time I feel like having a confrontation, I choose to let go, for old times sake. And every time there is a repetition of this "use-and-throw" behavior, I promise myself that I will not let myself be treated like a dish rag again. I also realized that if this self-promise has to be repeated so many times over, then I am only fooling myself about the significance of these relationships. So can I gather enough courage to accept my success without guilt, in full form, and maintain my peace in withdrawing from such painful relationships with grace and dignity? Only time will tell.
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