Today a friend of mine told me that she would avoid all
those discussions with me which would cause me to hurt from inside. She meant
she would avoid reporting those incidents or episodes where she feels I have had an unfair
deal and she would not have had the power to stop it happening.
It set me thinking. Is that the method I would employ to deal with my hurts: Not talking about it? Was it not her way of coping with her hurt which stemmed from her own feeling of being helpless in mending the situation? I would not like to be protected from hurts by well-meaning friends building a wall of protection, consciously not allowing me to be privy to any information which (in their opinion) would cause me pain. I would rather have the brickbats and develop my resilience against them.
Agreed, the process may be extremely painful, it may appear to some as being masochistic! But that is what life is all about! I feel, growing from pain is essential, either by dulling yourself to it, or desensitizing yourself to it, or evolving a stronger person from it. How else do you explain evolution?
I also feel that a certain amount of artificiality would creep into our relationships if we start this process of information filtering, simply because we doubt the other person's ability or emotional quotient to deal with the information.
I do not subscribe to the fact that 'what you do not know, does not hurt you'. Facts have a strange way of getting across to you, and I have found this happening one too many times in my life! I'd rather have them directly from my friends, than have them reaching me from a bulletin board! But again, these friends feel discomfort in being the bearer of unpleasant tidings, and so would like to avoid the topic altogether. I understand where they are coming from, and somewhere they may even hold themselves responsible for the pain they are causing me.
Well, I attribute this fear to the olden times, when some kings would behead the messenger who would bring bad news to court! That surely is not the case now, right? The bearer of bad tidings is not responsible for the news. I am mature enough to realize that. I only hope my loved ones will credit me with such maturity and not hold back just to avoid "hurting" me.
It set me thinking. Is that the method I would employ to deal with my hurts: Not talking about it? Was it not her way of coping with her hurt which stemmed from her own feeling of being helpless in mending the situation? I would not like to be protected from hurts by well-meaning friends building a wall of protection, consciously not allowing me to be privy to any information which (in their opinion) would cause me pain. I would rather have the brickbats and develop my resilience against them.
Agreed, the process may be extremely painful, it may appear to some as being masochistic! But that is what life is all about! I feel, growing from pain is essential, either by dulling yourself to it, or desensitizing yourself to it, or evolving a stronger person from it. How else do you explain evolution?
I also feel that a certain amount of artificiality would creep into our relationships if we start this process of information filtering, simply because we doubt the other person's ability or emotional quotient to deal with the information.
I do not subscribe to the fact that 'what you do not know, does not hurt you'. Facts have a strange way of getting across to you, and I have found this happening one too many times in my life! I'd rather have them directly from my friends, than have them reaching me from a bulletin board! But again, these friends feel discomfort in being the bearer of unpleasant tidings, and so would like to avoid the topic altogether. I understand where they are coming from, and somewhere they may even hold themselves responsible for the pain they are causing me.
Well, I attribute this fear to the olden times, when some kings would behead the messenger who would bring bad news to court! That surely is not the case now, right? The bearer of bad tidings is not responsible for the news. I am mature enough to realize that. I only hope my loved ones will credit me with such maturity and not hold back just to avoid "hurting" me.
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